Thanks for sharing your concern with us.
There are many aspects to your concern. Often it’s seen that it’s not only about the person himself/herself particularly but also about the situation and many significant others involved in the situation.
We all are unique and are endowed with different life situations too. So we can’t really compare grass is greener on which side though…….
But it’s certain that the frequency and intensity of such thoughts now isn’t under control any more so approaching a professional help ASAP will be definitely beneficial.
In case you want to maintain the confidentiality you can reach out at firstname.lastname@example.org