Home Forums FAMILY ISSUES Mismatch between Relationships

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  • #1340
    rsharma
    Participant

    Hello freind, i want to discuss which is very personal so plz dnt make fun of it or post any unnecessary comments.

    My age is 25 yrs.. and plz dnt read it as a adult story but try to find a best solution as a brother or friend.

    Hamare flat k sth vale flat mai 3.5 saal pehle ek family aai… husband wife one kid and unke parents., family bhot achi thi hamari bhi unse bhot achi bonding aaj bhi hai… till date we are just like one family as whole….

    Jo family aai thi un Bhaiya nd bhabhi ki maariage ko 12 yr ho chuke hai or unka 10 yr ka beta hai…. but unke yha aane k 6 months baad mtlb aaj se approx 3 yrs pehle unke after marital affair ka sbhi ko pta chal gya and unka bhar ek baby bhi hai…. iss baat se bhot disputes hue us family mai and jo unke w8fe the vo bhot e jyada tuut gye and she tried to commot suicide…

    Maine or mere parents ne unhe bhot tassali di…. but vo bhot down the or hamesha khud ko marne ki baat krrte the….

    Vo nature se ek dm innocent the and maine unki bhot consoling ki that k life mai isse b bde dukh aate hai pr suicide is not the solution and pta ni iss time mai main or bhabhi itne karib aagye k jbbhi vo kbhi mantally disturb hote hai unhe mere alava koi sambhal ni skta….

    Hamara age difference 12 yrs hai but even i cnnt live without her.. we like each other company…. nd main ye b dkh chuka hu k agar mai unhe chod k ab gya to vo 110 {551c903f756d5bf12b7d58e2eb1e8b74af35058efa7a05d3e7b41e9147979503} suicide krr lenge or sath mai rhh nhi skta….

    Mai insaaniyat or dosti k naate b unhe bachana chahta hu or unke pyar ki respect b krta hu and unse pyar b krrta hu….

    Pr mughe ni pta main shi hu ya galat…
    Unhe uss situation se nikala b maine e or aaj shayad fr uss situation mai unhe daal naa du…

    Even naa unke parents naa e mere parents hmme rokte tokte hai because unhe lgta hai hmm ache dost hai…

    But ab meri marriage ki baate chal rhi hai or mughe smjh mai ni aa rha mai krru kyaa….

    Ab sawal meri lyf kaa nhi kai saari zindgiyoon kaa hai….
    shadi kru ya naa kru, krr lunga to khi apni wife ko to cheat ni kruga jiski koi galti nhi,,, agar M*** (bhabhi) se dur gya to unki life and unke bete ki life, vo family b spoil ho jayegi….

    even aaj ki date mai agar bhabhi disturb ho to bhaiya ka call mughe aata hai r*** tu akke isse smjha….

    Plz its a request mazak mai yaa enjoyment k lie ise mt pdna or naa e koi galat comment krrna….

    plz ache se guide krr sko to jruur krnna…. bcoz kai rishtee or zindgiyaan daav pr hai….

    #1341
    Chiku
    Participant

    Dear, situation is really critical and iss situation ke liye kahin na kahin tum hi jimmedar ho. Hum log aksar emotional moments mein apni limits bhool jaate hai.
    Ab jo hua so hua. Yeh toh bilkul sure hai ki tum dono ka relation na kewal kuchh zindagiyan kharab karega balki puri ki puri families barbaad hongi. Isko yahin rok do.
    Tum yeh mat samjho ki tumara relationship yu hi sabki nazaro se bachkar chalta rahega. Ek din sab ko pata chal jayega aur tab tum sab ko jaise face karoge. Uska beta, uske parents, uska husband sab tumko dislike karege.
    Aur fir uske husband ne usse cheat kiya toh usne bhi toh apne husband ko cheat kar liya. Samajhdari se kaam lo. Usse bhi samjhao ki yeh rishta kisi ke liye bhi achcha nahi. SABSE IMPORTANT BAAT KI YEH PYAR NAHI HAI. BILKUL BHI NAHI. TUMARI TARAF SE EK DUKHI AURAT KE LIYE HAMDARDI HAI AUR USKI TARAF SE TUM USKE DUKH KI MALHAM…..BAS. So yeh sochna chhodo ki tum dono ek dusre se pyar karte ho. Jis din jiwan ki haqiqat samne aayegi…..matlab ki agar apne se 12 yrs badi lady n uske 10 yr ke bete ke saath pura jiwan jina padega tab dhire dhire yeh pyar hawa ho jayega. Abhi pyar dikh raha hai kyunki koi jimmedari nahi hai.
    Samajhdari issi mein hai ki usko samjhao ki yeh relation life long nahi chal sakta. Let bygones be bygones.
    Pehle achhe se usse samjhao. Thodi duri banai uss se fir kuchh time baad apni shaadi ki sochna. Shadi ke baad agar tum yun uske paas samjhane ke liye jaate rahe toh tumari wife yeh kabhi bhi tolerate nahi karegi. Kisi aur ki biwi ko sambhalne ke chakkar mein khud apni biwi ke saath woh karoge jo uske husband ne kiya hai.
    For God sake shaadi kar ke kisi ladki ka jiwan kharab mat karna agar tum dono apna relation khatam nahi kar sakte toh.

    #1342
    radhey
    Participant

    Dost sabse pehli baat to ye hai ki yeh platform majak uddane k liye nahi banaya gaya. Ye banaya hi aisi problems k liye hai jo log kisi se share nahi kar pate.
    Ab jaha tak aapki baat hai to ye relation koi pyar nahi hai. Ye fascination hai bus. Aapki umar aisi hai or us lady ka emotional breakup ne aise halat bana diye. Dekha jaye to jo lady suicide ki baat kar rahi thi usne vahi galti khud kardi.
    Ab pehle to aap ye dekho ki kya aap shadi k liye tyar ho? Kya aapko koi dusri ladki pasand aati hai? Kya aap dusri ladki ki taraf attract hote ho? Agar en baato ka jawab ha hai to matlab saaf hai ki aapko us lady se pyar nahi hai.
    Aap usse ye baat batao ki aapke ghar wale aapki shadi karne ki soch rahe hai or uska reaction dekho. Mujhe nahi lagta ki usse koi aitraj hoga. Uske reaction se andaja lagao ki vo kya chahti hai. Phir usse clearly batao ki aisi jindagi nahi chalti or ek na ek din tumhe apni jindagi bhi shuru karni hai. Kyuki ab uss baat ko time ho chuka isliye ab uske jakham bhi bhar gaye honge. Tumhe us se duri banani hogi varna is relationship ka koi natija nahi nikalega. Uske gharwalo ya bete ko pata chala to socho kaisi situation ban jayegi. So usse pyar se baat karke samjhao or aage baddo.

    #1343
    shribala
    Participant

    Dear rsharma,abhi tumhari age bahut young hai and wo lady ki bhi life bahut baki hai, puri life tum dono and us ka 10years ka beta nhi bita sakte ,us lady ko pyar se samjha do ki tum preshan thi and hum dono ka relation aise kisi weak moment mein start ho gya ab hum dono ko apni apni life mein laut jana chahiye tumhare husband ko forgive kar do and tum dono ke bete ki life ke baare mein socho.Agar tum kisi aisi job mein ho ki transfer ho sakta hai toh ekbaar apna transfer karwa ke is mahol se dur chale jao ,upar chiku ji ne bhi bilkul thik likha hai ,tum dono jaldi se alag ho jao is sepehle ki tumhari family and us ke husband ke aage ye baat khul jaye us lady ko samjha do ki koi izzat nhi reh jayegi jo galti hue so hue ab sambhal jao and aage ki life ke baare mein kuch time baad sochna nhi toh ek innocent ladki ki life spoil ho jayegi jis se tum shadi karoge , isliye pehle ye relation ekdum finish kar do phir shadi ke baare mein sochna ,is ko apni life ki ek badi bhool samjh ke bhul jao ,us lady ko bta do ab us ke husband mein and us mein koi difference nhi rha us ne bhi cheat kiya hai apne husband ko isliye baki life apne bete ke bare mein soch kar husband ke saath normal ho jaye and tumhe bhul kar apne ghar per dhyan de.

    #1344
    bond007
    Participant

    Dear RSharma

    In such a situation you need to check the sentiments of that lady by informing her that your family is planning for your marriage. Watch out her expressions. If she over reacts you need to tell her that this relationship is not going to work long and in case you both r caught it will be much more embrassing situation.
    Tell her that in the eyes of everyone her husband is guilty at present but in case your relationship is known to all you might not cope up with that situation.
    Now, since much time has passed since she felt emotionally week and in present circumstances she must not behave the way she did earlier.
    Tell her to keep herself occupied in some work and help her in finding some job or starting some business. Keeping her busy will help her in coming out of this situation.

    #1345
    admin
    Participant

    Dear Subscriber

    The answer to your problem lies in the following questions:
    1. Are you ready to marry her and adopt her child as father?
    2. Is she ready to marry you?
    3. Are you both ready to face the relatives and family members?
    4. Can you both dare to tell your families about this relationship?

    Your relationship is nothing more than attraction and for her it is just physical need. Just ask her if she is ready to accept your relationship openly? If she is ready than you need to be careful because in that case it is an emotional attachment. In such a case you need to provide her some alternative option. It may be counseling or help of some of her close friend or relative.

    Since this is a very complicated issue you need to deal very carefully and in case you need further help you can also approach us thru contact us link. Queries send thru contact us are visible to anyone.

    Please do give your feedback.

    #1346
    brijktiwari
    Participant

    Dear Mr. Sharma

    After reading your problem it is very clear, as mentioned above by other participants also, that this relationship is not workable and you also know that. You helped a lady in need and both of you crossed the limits. At the time you entered into this scene, that lady was a victim being cheated by her husband and hence she was thinking of committing suicide, as told by you but know she must have come out of that trauma and knows her mistake/ fault also.

    You need to talk and ask her about future course of action for both of you. I think she will not stop you from getting married but she may ask you to continue this relationship also. So, the first step is to mentally prepare her about your marriage. Once it is clearly understood between both of you next action can be decided.

    You have to make a point about the future of her son. Here some other points which matter are the financial position of her family, your financial status, her educational qualification etc. Is she a working women? Does she holds any professional qualification? What is your qualification and status? Is she in a position to do job or some business? What is the present status of her relations with husband?

    Further advice or discussion depends upon the reply to above queries. If you wish to discuss further pls give the above details.

    #1347
    rsharma
    Participant

    Friends, as i read ur reply and m very thankful to all of you…

    Mai pehle to ye clear krna chahuga that we crossed our limits more than 1 yr back but we like each other company, we r mirror images in front of each other, like jo baat mai kbhi kisi se b ni krr skta vo mai unse krrleta hu or vo mughse…..

    Or shadi k lie to vo khud e mere lie rishte dhund rhe hai….

    vo problem nhi hai but hmm agar ek din b naa mile to hamari halat kharab oo jati hai…. mai bta ni skta she is damm crzy abt me… means meri hrr baat ko vo mughse jyada jannti hai or shayad mughe b vo mughse behtar smjhti hai…
    Sach bolu to physical need k lie nhi mentally satisfaction k lie hmm sth hai….
    we love to hold each other hands and feel a heavenly satisfaction when we hug each other….

    ya to mai smjha nhi paa rha hu k hamara relation kaisa hai….

    and yesterday i asked many questions… that meri shadi k baad ye sab nhi chalega and she told me dnt worry but tum mughe kbhi kbhi chahe 2 min k lie mill lena and which clearly shows the depth of love… she can do anything for me… anything means seriously anythinG ……

    and as 1 member asked about my eduction and financial status… M engaged in my family business and she is lawyer (now housewife) and we both r from upper middle class family..

    plz guide us with the best possible way…
    thankew in advance… and thankew Meihekyun.in vrna ye sb baate to main kisi se krne ki soch b ni skta….

    #1348
    dheeraj90
    Participant

    Dost Maine aapki sari story pddi hai… aap plz isse jaldi nikalne ki koshish krro… nhi koi fayda ni hoga… shi bolu too jutt pdege jis din pakde gye….

    #1350
    bond007
    Participant

    Dear RSharma

    According to your updated post it seems that you can get rid of this situation in a planned manner, if you wish so but mind it that you need to be strong enough and remain firm on your decision.
    It is good that the lady is not creating any trouble in your marriage. Now act carefully and look for a girl who is more beautiful than your bhabhi and spend time to know and understand her nature. I know it is difficult but you have no other choice because you will keep comparing your wife with this lady after marriage and in case you do not find her better you may regret on your decision.
    Other way is prepare your mind that every person has his/ her own qualities and accordingly if your heart and mind agree for not comparing these ladies than go a head for marriage. After marriage things will start turning around and if you manage the things intelligently i.e. avoiding this lady and giving your wife everything, you may lead easy life.

    • This reply was modified 11 months, 3 weeks ago by bond007.
    #1352
    radhey
    Participant

    Dost ye achi baat hai ki vo khud aapke liye ladki dekh rahi. Aapko ab apna pakka decision le ke shadi kar leni chahiye par us se pehle ek baat samajh lo ki vo lady bahut achi hogi par yehi relation or halat ekdum alag ho jate hai jab shadi ho jaye isliye ek baat yaad rakhna ki apni biwi ko is lady se kabhi compare mat karna.
    Vaise bhi premika or wife me hamesha farak hota hai. Ye baat tumhe vo ache se samajha denge jinki love marriage huyi ho. Shadi se pehle pyar hi pyar hota hai jabki baad me responsibilities or dusre rishte bhi nibhane padte hai jis vajah se takrar shuru ho jati hai. Mei ye baat isliye bata rahu hu taki shadi k baad tum apni wife k saath khush raho or ha is lady se apne relations ko restrict karo. Pehle to milo hi mat or milo to bhi bhi sabki presence me. Ab ye mat kehna ki pyar kartu hu uske bina nahi reh sakta kyuki agar tum usse chodne k liye mentally prepare nahi ho to shadi mat karna kyuki us ladki ki jindagi bhi barbad ho jayegi or tumhari bhi.
    Isliye pehle mentally prepare ho jao or usse bhi bolo ki tum dono sirf dost ban k rahoge or miloge bahut kam or dhire dhire us se dur jana hi tumhare future k liye thik rahega.

    #1359
    namita
    Participant

    Apka to after marital affair shadi se pehle e chal rha hi…how lucky u r….. just jocking…

    Bt tumhare relation meera and krishna jaisa lggta hai…. aisi laggi lagan mirra hogyi magan….

    Dkh loo smabhal skte hoo to dosti k relation bhabhi k sth bnaye rkkho… age mai diff. hai to koi shakk b nhi krega or bhabhi ko b moral support milta rhega…

    Bss koshish krrna max. time apni limits mai rhoo Bcoz tum hamesha apni limits mai ni rhh skte… and its bitter truth…

    Dunia mai bhot hai jinke affairs hote hai pr tumhare kisi ki lyf ko save krrne k lie hai.. jaise vo kapil sharma ki movie mai tha “kiss kis se pyar krru”
    manage krr skte oo too krrlo bcoz tum kuch galat ni krr rhe…

    #1362
    Chiku
    Participant

    Abhi ladki dekhna aur baat hai n baad mein jab tum apni wife ke saath dikhoge usse then she will feel jealous. It’s human nature. She might become demanding n complaining.
    Shaadi ke baad relation rakhna toh bilkul hi galat hai. Aur agar tumari hone wali wife ko pata chal gaya toh beta fir tum toh gaye kaam se. Woh sab ko bata degi. I mean bahut saari zindagiyan kharab ho jayengi.
    Yeh baat pakki hai ki tumhe iss rishte ko yahin khatm karna chahiye. Haan sirf dosti woh bhi healthy dosti ho sakti hai par agar tum dono strong raho toh.

    Waise ek baat batao ki jis pyar ki tum baat kar rahe ho toh kya woh tumare liye sab kuchh chhod kar tumse shaadi karne ko taiyyar hai aur kya tum uske bete ko apnakar uss se shaadi ke liye taiyyar ho aur tum dono hi pariwar walo ki baatein sunne ke liye ready ho?????? Agar haan toh fir badho aage….kyunki jis tarah se tum tum-dono ki tuning ki baatein kar rahe ho aur uske pyar ki inteha bata rahe ho toh fir iss baare mein aapas mein baat kar lo. Iss se bhi aage ke liye thik rehega.

    #1366
    hanu
    Participant

    Dear Friend
    Sorry but I dn’t agree with what namita said. I feel that she will not dare to marry you and that is why she is searching a girl for you.
    If you have been just friends, for more than a year than definitely you both should restrict your relationship as friends and always meet in presence of others. Never meet in lonely place.
    Just search a girl who is beautiful and get married. Maintain distance with this lady and meet only in presence of family. Don’t give yourself any chance to commit mistake again, which may ruin your life. Make a firm decision to distance yourself from her so that no one ever gets chance to doubt you.

    #1374
    shribala
    Participant

    Dear rsharma tumhari dusri post padhne ke baad aise lag rha hai ki kahin tum kisi ladki ki life spoil na kar dena shadi kar ke,kyun ki tum keh rahe ho tumhe us ke saath bahut comfortable lgta hai baat kar ke etc.etc.toh tum arrange marriage mat karo agar karo bhi toh pehle us ladki se baar baar mil ke baat karo jis bhi ladki ke saath baat karte hue tum itne mast ho jao ki wo lady tumhe yaad hi nhi rahe aur tum ye feel karo ki main is ladki se bhi sari baat share kar sakta hun and bahut khush hun tab shadi ke baare mein sochna,abhi jaldi mein arrange marriage mat karna .

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