“Marriages are fixed in heaven and celebrated on earth”
The most common and famous saying we hear in our families since childhood but do we really believe in it? I doubt! Marriage is not a solemn union of two persons rather it is of two families who must share all the sentiments, emotions, feelings of happy moments together in future. Those who believe it as a union of only two persons and not of two families, are basically adopting the western culture which calls it a contract and nothing beyond that.
For constructing a strong building, it is necessary to lay a very strong foundation and it is applicable to relationships also. As per the Indian tradition, our ancestors were strong believer in union of two families and that was the reason due to which couples used to think about the whole family, it’s sentiments, emotions, feelings before taking any decision to end a relationship. The closeness of relations was so that the bride used to tell and share her issues/ problems within her in-law’s family and least were the instances when such issues reached to the bride’s parental home. In case of dispute, generally the groom’s family members used to take side of the bride and it was the reason the bride used to feel like at her home at the very beginning of her married life. In few cases where the groom’s family behaved the other way, the society and extended families helped in resolving the problems but divorce was never considered to be a good option.
In the past, the issues and problems were used to be resolved without the intervention of courts because moral values, emotions, sentiments, feelings were given due and high weightage. It was considered that break up of couple affects not only the couple but the two families and all the people around them who were emotionally attached to them. With the passage of time and during the rule or Mughal invaders, Britishers, we started shredding our customs, values, ethos because they made us believe that we were orthodox and they have great culture and high values. Our Sanatan philosophy of inclusiveness also forced us to adopt everything taught to us and we never doubted the intentions of others. We were so innocent that we never realized their fraudulent and malafide intentions of destroying our rich heritage and culture.
If you want to destroy any country just make those people believe that they are inferior by attacking their education system and culture. This is what happened with us. Mostly all the traditions followed by us were logical and scientific but those invaders made us believe that we were orthodox. Now many of our traditions have proved to be scientific and logical that the world has started following them. You might have come through many such messages through social media platforms during current lockdown period. We will try to bring a series of articles to prove the worthiness of all our old traditions.
Here we are restricting our self to the specific topic of Sanatan and Western culture- impact on married life. Western culture follows the tradition where the parents are responsible to take care of child only till, he/ she attains majority. They are not supposed to take care for the whole life. Even they are least bother to save money for education or other needs of children. They earn and spend. They give their children whatever is available with them. They never cut their expenditure to provide something better to their child. If they don’t have money, they never try to fulfil the demands of children. No extra effort is put in by them to save money for future because their culture is entirely different. Here you can say that those countries are providing free health and education facilities, yes it might be true but that is what I call difference in culture. You see our ancestors never used to beg. They always tried to manage with the resources available with them. They tried to save money for future safety of children. Now the point is that you enjoy your early age/ life in Indian culture where your parents give you everything they can afford to, though by cutting down their own expenses, ambitions, needs, desires and when you grow up and get married you want stay in separate home with your spouse.
If your parents would have thought that way, they would have saved the entire money for their old age days instead of fulfilling your demands and ambitions. So, what we want to say is that you must follow one of the two cultures i.e. either Western or Indian. Here many of you might like to adopt western culture due to the environment created around us during last few years and which also includes convent culture. You like to wear the western cloths but not ready to be independent as western students does. In west mostly both parents are working and the children are left in crèche and, those going school manage the things on their own. They least have house maids to help them out or eat mother’s prepared food. There working children also do household chores after coming from job and here, if you are working, you want your mother to do all the work because you feel tired after doing job. There married working women also does household chores may be with the help of husband, here you wish that your mother in law must do all that work.
No issues if you are working and your mother in law look after the home but have you ever thought what desires, ambitions she has? Have you ever tried to fulfil the desires, ambitions which she sacrificed while upbringing your husband? Even if the case is different still, she might have other desires, ambitions to be fulfilled and may be sacrificing because of you and you just inform her about your plans but never asks her, what to do. The day you start asking your parents (including in-laws) you will feel an unseen happiness inside you, which will be nothing but only the blessings coming from heart of your parents. So, just be humble and feel the joy of giving, without giving anything. Nurture your joint family bonding and have a heaven like feeling here itself.